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April 13, 1973 : Los Angeles

Srutakirti: On this day, there were several hundred devotees in the airport as Srila Prabhupada walked into the terminal. They were oblivious to everyone and everything going on around them, except for their glorious spiritual master. I have no qualification to describe the feelings of my godbrothers and godsisters as I have never been fortunate enough to have such strong loving emotions for Srila Prabhupada. It was obvious to everyone in the airport that devotees were feeling transcendental bliss. The loving reciprocation between Srila Prabhupada and his disciples was the easiest to see in his "airport lila." For several minutes it seemed that no one's feet touched the ground. Torrents of ecstatic tears flowed freely from everyone except for one fallen soul, me.

We arrived in New Dwaraka and entered Srila Prabhupada's quarters at about noon. I immediately prepared for his massage. During the massage my mind was very disturbed. I could not free myself from the pain of thinking that everyone had such love for their guru except for me. I was a cheater, an impostor. I finally got the courage to speak while massaging Srila Prabhupada's back. This way, I didn't have to speak to him face to face. "Srila Prabhupada," I said, "All of your disciples have so much love for you. It makes me feel so bad. I lack this intense love. When I'm with you at the airport, I can see everyone dancing, chanting and crying. I have so much association with you, yet I don't feel this overwhelming love like they do."

I hoped he would say something to relieve my mind. He remained silent. Tormented, I finished his massage and went back to my room to finish preparing his lunch. After he chanted Gayatri mantra, he called me into his room. As I entered, I offered my obeisances and looked up with great concern because he had such a serious look on his face.

"So, do you like serving me?" he asked.

"Oh, yes, Prabhupada," I said, "I like serving you very much."

"Then, that is love," he explained. "Everyone can do so many things... singing, dancing, jumping up and down. But, you are actually doing something. Isn't this love?"

"I guess so, Srila Prabhupada," I said.

"So, you just do your service," he continued. "That is all that is necessary. This is what love means. To do service."

Reference: What is the Difficulty? - Srutakirti Dasa